my love letter to riot grrrl ♥

hi all!  i’m a new contributor to the blog and here is my first contribution.

my name is andrea.
i’m 27 years old and i was born a feminist.

i say i was born a feminist because i really don’t remember there being a time in my life when i wasn’t aware that there was societal constraints on concept of femininity.  i eschewed barbie dolls in favour of my father’s record player.  this changed when the jem doll was introduced.  she was bigger than barbie and she had her own rock band…  she is still a hero of mine.
in my pre-teen years i read teen magazine and found out that my thighs should never touch, that i should play dumb in order to attract boys, and that only those girls liked sexual contact.  then i discovered sassy and my entire life changed.  christina kelly became my hero.  i began my worship of chloë sevigny because unlike kate moss, chloë made her own clothes.  the kurt & courtney cover story made me long for my own feminist boyfriend.

i was 13 when i first became aware of riot grrrrl.  i can’t think of any other way to describe the feeling it gave me, other than to say it felt like home.  i lived in the middle of nowhere so i wasn’t involved in a chapter and i wouldn’t get my hands on any of the zines for years…  but i still got it.

as i got older i began to read feminist literature and i felt alienated from the second wave thinking.  i think what bothered me most was the all or nothing sort of thinking - all women are your sisters and all men are evil.  it seemed completely ludicrous to me.  
i barely had any female friends growing up because i began puberty when i was ten years old and it completely alienated me.  i was the punching bag of who we would now call “the mean girls”.  so i hung out with guys.  through these friendships with guys brought the inequality between the sexes to light for me.  i saw my male friends be championed for their sportsmanship, their academic prowess,  their “toughness”.  where as my writing and my academic achievements were patted on the head and then ignored.  in fact my academic achievements were often downplayed by my teachers who occasionally accused me of “grade grubbing” because i tried my hardest and expected reward for it.

riot grrrl won my heart because of what it said to me.
it said fuck those who hold you down regardless of their gender.
it said some girls are bitches and you don’t have to love them, but try to understand where their bitchiness stems from.
it said that if you have ideas you should scream them out until people hear you.
it said that if you believed in something, you should fight to the death for it.
it said that if you are a smart girl you could take over the world.
when kathleen screamed in the song liar “eat meat, hate blacks, beat your fuckin’ wife - it’s all connected” it woke me up.  i began to understand that oppression of one is oppression of all.
riot grrrl also gave me a feeling of personal power.  it assured me that i had the power to challenge oppression.  this knowledge changed my life.

i now study sociology and i plan on using my knowledge to level the playing field for everyone everywhere.  i carry the spirit of the early riot grrrls in my heart.  i now strive to be the next naomi klien (who is very riot grrrl even if she doesn’t want to claim the label).

i’m proud to call myself a riot grrrl.
i’m proud to be a feminist.

Feminism Friday: I’m Sorry No I’m Not

This article was taken from my Riot Grrrl Online website.

I’m Sorry….No I’m Not

I’m sorry I don’t believe it.
I’m sorry that I care.
no i’m not.
I’m not sorry that i still believe we are capable of creating something. that i don’t think punk is just a big joke and that we should be little and make fun of ourselves for still believing that everything we do makes a difference
i don’t care that it’s no longer punk to have fun anymore. that it’s no longer punk to criticize the society we live in.
so
what if i keep talking about abolishing wage-slavery while i keep working. it fucking beats the hell out of writing songs or zines about how we are all hypocrites and all our actions are worthless.
we are all hypocritical superwimps (?). we are never (?)
SO IF YOU’RE BEING ALL PUNK AS FUCK AND TALKING SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE AT LEAST TRY TO DO SOMETHING THAN I’M (NOT) SORRY BUT I GUESS THAT MEANS I’M NOT PUNK ANYMORE AND IF THAT’S WHAT PUNK IS I’M FUCKIN GLAD I’M NOT AS PUNK AS YOU
[Kathleen]
I am a fucking idiot. I still think we can change the world.

Bikini Kill + Riot Grrrl

This articles comes from my Riot Grrrl Online website.

Bikini Kill + Riot Grrrl

one huge misconception for instance that has been repeated over and over again in magazines we have never spoken to and also by those who believe these sources without checking things out themselves is that bikini kill is the definitive ‘riot girl band’ . . . We are not in any way “leaders of” or authorities on the ‘Riot Girl’ movement. In fact, as individuals, we have each had different experiences with, feelings on, opinions of and varying degrees of involvement with ‘Riot Girl’ and tho we totally respect those who still feel that the label is important and meaningful to them, we have never used that term to describe ourselves AS A BAND. As, individuals we respect and utilize and subscribe to a variety of different aesthetics, strategies and beliefs, both political and punk-wise, some of which are probably considered ‘riot girl’ . . .
You can get back issues of Bikini Kill fanzines (issues #1 and #2) from riot girl press for $2 each. They are a girl run girl fanzine distribution network, write to them and send them $1 for their catalog which contains brief descriptions of stuff available thru them as well as info on how to get involved in what they’re doing. Please note that these fanzines are way outdated–both were made in 1991 and also that although both have contributions by other band members most of the stuff in them was written by our singer, kathleen, this is not to say they aren’t informative but rather to make an effort to posit them more exactly with regards to the factors of history and subjectivity . . . r.g.p. pob 73308/washington, d.c. 20009

Boy

This is another article from my Riot Grrrl Online website.

Boy

i will never be a rockstar.
i will never be rich.
i can’t take back my tenth birthday or the love i felt for you. there are no words for the hands that’re running all up with a liars veins, voice, words moist, so moist i believed. i believed that my best friends wouldn’t lie to me.
i will never be what the world wants me to be or have sex right. i will never open my door cuz in the eyes of the law it means i just spread open my legs and closed my eyes and said “c’mon in.” and i will never explain this to anyone i like cuz it’ll get used against me. the fact that i am not dead makes me an open target for murder. i swallowed your pride, i swallowed your heart, i swallowed your cum, guess that’s all part of it. there’s no justice and i’m really mad that people keep acting like there is. i don’t want to be a girl eaten up by your world, how can i watch girls eaten up by your world? how come i get hit and no one sees it? how come, bloodied, i am explaining to the man who hit me what he has done? why am i taking care of him, why oh why do i still love him…?
if you took away this lipstick would i still have a mouth underneath? is it true i’m only crying because i’m afraid to go to sleep? i will never be rich, not cuz rich doesn’t matter, but because i am crazy because i am full of hate… crazy means you don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.
when i was little my parents sent me to charm school and ballet. i don’t remember what recital it was fat-stomached and eight years old i was getting photographed in a bikini and a crown. now i’m crazy, fulfilling the american dream and being hated for it, they are just jealous. i don’t care.
i am in protest against the whole world. my body says it, slung into my clothes. i won’t stop talking, i’m a girl you have no control over. there is not a gag big enough to handle this mouth. i’m gonna tell everyone what you did to me. and sometimes i’ll tell it dramatic and sometimes i’ll blurt it out. and the hand you laid on my bare ass will be invisible as it spills right out of me. i will still bear the brunt of it, your smell. they will tell me i am inappropriate with their eyes. i’m not writing to please you, i’m not giving you a clean little hole to stick your dick in, a nice smooth arrangement.
pick me up, open me, put me down.
so sorry, i’m no hemingway, i’m writing for survival, my kind is being killed off, in fact i’m not even sure i exist. these words on this page mean something, if only that i was here and my fingers made this mess. i don’t know luxury, what it is to be carefree. that was your fantasy, remember?

Tobi Vail’s Words On Bikini Kill

The following articles comes from my Riot Grrrl Online website.

Tobi Vail’s Words On Bikini Kill

BIKINI KILL IS A BAND MADE UP OF FOUR INDIVIDUALS, Kathi, Tobi, Billy, and Kathleen…
We have been written about a lot by big magazines who have never talked to us or seen our shows. They write about us authoritively, as if they understand us better than we understand our own ideas, tactics and significance. They largely miss the point of everything about us because they have no idea what our context is/has been. Their idea of punk rock is not based on anything they have ever experienced directly or even sought an understanding of by talking to those who have, yet they continue to write about it as if their stereotypical suraface level view of it is all there is. A lot of times we have been asked why we don’t do interviews very often if we are so concerned with being misrepresented. To us this seems obvious… it is mostly based on our experiences. As a rule we don’t do interviews with mainstream newspapers or magazines. In the few cases where we did do them we feel like we were totally fucked over by the way our words were framed to back up ideas that weren’t our own. Quotes were taken out of context, we were made to look like we were dissing other women in bands when that wasn’t our intention and in the worst case scenerious our confidence was totally violated by having stuff we told the individual writers NOT to focus on exploitatively (abuse histories, where we work/have worked, etc.) turned into the main focus of the article. We have constantly told writers to leave out personal information about us (our last names, who we go out with/used to date) out of articles and they always are sure to include it if we tell them not to. We always try to include perspectives of different band members but often times the writer only puts in quotes by Kathleen, our singer. When she has done interviews by herself as an indivudual it is often seen as an interview with the whole band even tho she continually says she is only speaking as an individual member of Bikini Kill whose opinions do not necessarily refelct those of the whole band. When we have granted these sources interviews it made us look like everything they said about us was done with our co-operation. The times when we have asked to see articles or edit them before they come out it has never really worked out. One time in particular we were told by N.M.E. in the U.K. that we could write our own articles and they would not in anyway comment on it or edit it. When the articles came out Kathi’s was not included, but was rather taken out of context and cited to back up their ideas about us in the introduction they wrote to my article (something that to our understanding they weren’t going to do). They laid it out in a way that included catty remarks bigger than our own words and put in a bunch of dumb pictures that we didn’t send them. This was the last time we ever tried to co-operate with a big magazine but they have continued to write stuff about us. This is really frustrating but what is even more frustrating is when people who should know better, other punks for instance, believe these takes on who we are as being based on reality rather than on conjecture and in most cases on ill intentions of the writer/magazine. (when you refuse to grant interviews people get really insulted and make a point of going out of their way to use their influences to elaborately dis you–usually this is to the point of spreading deliberate lies or saying really naive sexist things in an effort to provoke a response from you) I want to make it cleat that we do not give a shit what people think of us, that is not what we object to in all of this, it is not about us being pissed off because of a bad review… it is about feeling like no matter what we say or do there continues to be this media created idea of ‘Bikini Kill/Riot Girl’ that has little or nothing to do with our own ideas and efforts… we want to be an underground band, we don’t want to be featured in Newsweek magazine… maybe this sounds like a weak complaint to some of you who have worked really hard to get people to hear about your band, projects, record label, ideas, etc. and would appreciate any kind of publicity… we recognize that different strategies are totally valid for different situations… we are not trying to set any kind of ‘correct’ standard, we are just trying to present our views on what our experiences with the media has been in order to start to comment on how it has affected us as a band… we stopped doing interviews altogther for while mainly because we felt that we didn’t need any mroe publicity but also because these experiences led us to not feeling like talking about our ideas atall… sometimes not even to each other, but fuck that you know and right now we are making Nu fanzine(s) about this whole weird machine media spectaclization process we have been going thru and so you should look forward to that …
IN THE MEANTIME WE ASK YOU TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT US AND THINK ABOUT HOW YOU GOT THAT INFORMATION, CUZ IN MOST CASES IT PROBABLY ISN’T TOO ACCURATE…
SEND US PICTURES, VIDEO TAPES, AUDIO TAPES OF OUR SHOWS, INTERVIEWS, RADIO SHOWS AND COPIES OF OR XEROXES OF MAGAZINE ARTICLES CUZ WE WANNA DOCUMENT THE SOUND OF THE SPECTACLE AND OFTEN TIMES DON’T GET SENT COPIES OF STUFF.
Oh yeah and please address all correspondence to Bikini Kill c/o kill rock stars (120 N.E. State Ave. #418/Olympia, WA 98501).
One huge misconception for instance that has been repeated over and over again in magazines we have never spoken to and also by those who beleive these sources without checking things out themselves is that Bikini Kill is the definitive ‘riot girl band’… We are not in any way “leaders of” or authorities on the ‘Riot Girl’ movement. In fact, as individuals, we have each had different experiences with, feelings on, opinions of and varying degrees of involvement with ‘Riot Girl’ and tho we totally respect those who still feel that the label is important and maningful to them, we have never used that term to describe ourselves AS A BAND. As, individuals we respect and utilize and subscribe to a variety of different aesthetics, strategies and beliefs, both political and punk-wise, some of which are probably considered ‘riot girl’ . . .
You can get back issues of Bikini Kill fanzines (issues #1 and #2) from riot girl press for $2 each. They are a girl run girl fanzine distribution network, write to them and send them $1 for their catalog which contains brief descriptions of stuff available thru them as well as info on how to get involved in what they’re doing. Please note that these fanzines are way outdated–both were made in 1991 and also that although both have contributions by other band members most of the stuff in them was written by our singer, Kathleen, this is not to say they aren’t informative but rather to make an effort to posit them more exactly with regards to the factors of history and subjectivity . . . R.G.P. P.O. Box 73308/Washington, D.C.20009

Jigsaw Youth

Jigsaw Youth
Written by Kathleen from Jigsaw Fanzine #4 Spring 1991 Olympia, Washington.
Taken from my Riot Grrrl Online website, of course.

We live in a world that tells us we must choose an identity, a career, a relationship, and commit… to these situations… as if we don’t live in a world of constant flux… which we do. Don’t freak out just cuz the jigsaw is laying on the floor and it’s not all the way phone and has been laying there for 4 whole hours now, resist the freak out. You will get to it… it’s all part of the process.
To force some forever identity on other people is stupid. Point out inconsistincies in their behavior, explain how they are not ‘truly what they say’ because you saw them ‘do this’ one time… why? Because it is easier to deal with cardboard cut outs than real people, cuz a lot of us pretend like we’re the center of the universe sometimes and everyone is just background extras in the movie we imagine we star in. WELL WHILE WE ARE ALL ARGUING ABOUT WHOSE GONNA GET TO OPEN FOR THE MELVINS, WHOSE GONNA WEAR WHAT TO THE PARTY, WHO IS LAME/TAME BECAUSE THEY PERPETUATE THIS THING WE HATE, WHO IS NOT REALLY A PUNK ROCKER CUZ “I remember when he/she used to listen to Duran Duran”, THE REVOLUTION IS GOING DOWN…no it’s not happening without us, it is just plain not happening at all… it is going down under the gurgling sounds of our own voices, reproducing the voices of our parents in a slightly altered way, the TV people… trying to dictate to each other what is and what isn’t cool or evolutionary or true resistence, what is or isn’t true in other peoples lives we sit around making all these boxes and labels, nothing to put in them, we are wasting valuable time. FUCK THAT SHIT, LET’S START TALKING FOR REAL.
To be a stripper who is also a feminist, to be an abused child holding a microphone screaming all those things that were promised, in one way or another, “I won’t tell.” these are contradictions I have lived. They exist, these contradictions cuz I exist. Every fucking ‘feminist’ is not the same, ever fucking girl is not the same, okay??? Because I live in a world that hates women and I am one… who is struggling desparately not to hate myself and my best girlfriends, my whole life is constantly felt by me as a contradiction. In order for me to exist I must belive that two contradictory things can exist in the same space. This is not a choice I make, it just is.
JIGSAW, a puzzle made up of all different weird shaped pieces. It seems like it will never come together, it makes no sense, but it can and it does and it will. Jigsaw, pieces like where you grew up and in what kind of fucked up culture and do you have a penis or not and did your parents have money and did you get teased for wearing the same coat four winters in a row and are you Thai-american or Black or Mulatto? And what do all these things mean when you are trying to resist, do something, have a good time??? I see the Jigsaw, fuzzy in my head as everything else, sometimes clear. The fact that he grew up in a working class family has everything to do with he is gonna express sexism, what kind of music he is gonna like, how I am gonna treat him. Jigsaw girl, she got fucked by her father, 8 years, people say she’s flakey and inconsistent, lays in her bed eating donuts, resisting going outside where the silence will engulf her, rather sit there wating than always being eaten up… her experience has everything to do with how the pieces are fitting together (or not) for her, judge her from your place without wondering what’s going on in that there Jigsaw mind of hers, and you have pushed her further away from clicking, her hand wants so bad to feel, one edge against another, together, one piece next to another, locking into place… you have to be able to see the puzzle before you start putting it together.
Resistance is everywhere, it always has been and always will be. Just because someone is not resisting in the same way you are (being a vegan, an ‘out’ lesbian, a political organizer) does not mean they are not resisting. Being told you are a worthless piece of shit and not believing it is a form of resistence. One girl calling another girl to warn her about a guy who date raped her is another. And while she may look like a big haired makeup girl who goes out with jocks, she is a soldier along with every other girl, and even though she may not be fighting in the same loud way that some of us can (and do) it is the fact that she is resisting that connects us, puts a piece together.
Jigsaw Youth, I don’t know what this means anymore than anyone… only what it means to me. Standing proud and saying “I don’t know who I am, I wanna know more, I am not afraid to say things matter to me.”
Assuming that people are either “part of the problem or part of the solution” disincludes a lot of people, who, at this moment, do not feel (and therefore ARE NOT) safe enough emotionally, physically, and/or financially to resist in the same ways you might be. By judging people according to your standards of resistence or whatever… it makes it harder for people to recognize what they’re doing as being important and political, etc…. it makes it harder for them to get into safe enough situations where they can reisit in more outward, community oriented ways if they want to.

Jigsaw Youth, the island of lost and broken toys, feminists who wear lipstick, people who envision ‘the land of do as you please’, whose lives are not simple and they are sick of trying to make themselves cohesive enough to fit into a box. Jigsaw Youth, listening, strategizing, tolerating, screaming, confronting, fearless, girl soldiers, boy lovers, boofy haired teen girls scraping out the eyes on a photo of Rick Astley, Jigsaw Youth, the misunderstood seeking to understand other people’s reality. Making mistakes… making mistakes… making mistakes… making mistakes… feeling something. Knowing you will never see the puzzle put all together but trying anyways cuz each fucking piece really matters and being with friends matters. Jigsaw Youth… inventing and reinventing what these words
mean.

Color Activity Book Intro

This was taken from my Riot Grrrl Online website. It is a zine article written by Kathleen Hanna in the early 90’s.

Color Activity Book Intro

Bikini Kill is a band and this is our little thing to give out at shows, etc… AND THEN THERE’S THE REVOLUTION.
Bikini Kill is more than just a band or a zine or an idea, it’s a part of the revolution. The revolution is about going to the playground with your best girlfriends. You are hanging upside down on the bars and all the blood is rushing to your head. it’s a euphoric feeling. the boys can see our underwear and we don’t care.
I’m so sure that lots of girls are also in revolution and we want to find them. Sure our revolution has a lot to do with making ourselves important enough to start a revolution, but we also don’t care about this… Because what makes us feel good without hurting others IS good. This society isn’t my society cuz this society hates women and I don’t. This society doesn’t want us girls to feel happy or powerful in any way.
My girlfriends help me stop crying and start looking towards whats important (revolution) my girlfriends know the revolution (sex) my girlfriends aren’t owned by me BUT have cringing and choking on boy cum in common (revolution) MY GIRLFRIENDS WANT REVOLUTION GIRL STYLE NOW.
Being sexy and powerful female is one of the most subversive projects of all. (We are the priestesses of a new kind of power oh yeah.)
We know we are not like this due to any weird gene formation or luck or trick. We are how we are from working together with our eyes open and having experience and getting help from out Moms and friends. We vow to struggle against the “j” word (jealousy) the killer of GIRL LOVE. We are not special, anyone can do it. ENCOURAGEMENT IN THE FACE OF INSECURITY is a slogan of the revolution.

44 Writings I Need For This Blog

I am in need of some articles and writings for this blog. I will add to this list as I see fit. The ones listed below are ideas for articles and writings and are some writings/articles I need for the blog. By writing the article (or articles), You will be emailed an invite to join this blog and will be able to post up your writing on the blog. Be sure to let others know that you wrote the article (or articles).

ARTICLES AND WRITINGS NEEDED:

1-History of riot grrrl: how, why, where, when, and who started it. (about the music and the movement)
2-History of feminism: how, why, where, when, and who started it.
3-The 3 waves of feminism.
4-The many different types of feminism such as: anarcha-feminism, individual feminism, radical feminism, and all the others.
5-Write about your favorite feminism/riot grrrl website or write a review of your favorite feminism/riot grrrl website. (can be blogs, websites, forums, etc.)
6-Write your own definition of what feminism means to you.
7-What does riot grrrl mean to you? (Write as much or as little as you want.) Describe riot grrrl in your own words.
8-Write about being a riot grrrl in another country. What’s the riot grrrl scene like where you live? Is there a chapter where you live? Any riot grrrl bands where you live? How did you get into riot grrrl? How long have you been into riot grrrl?
9-Write about how you got into riot grrrl. What, how, when, who, and where made you get into riot grrrl?
10-Write about being a riot boy: how, when, who, what, and where did you get into riot grrrl?
11-Write your own riot boy manifesto. (I already have a version on my website.)
12-Write about being a male feminist: how, when, who, what, and where did you get into riot grrrl?
13-Write some feminism questions that you would like answered or start a feminism FAQ (frequently asked questions) of your own and the answers to them.
14-Write some riot grrrl/boy questions that you would like answered or start a riot grrrl FAQ (frequently asked questions) of your own and the answers to them.
15-Write about women’s issues important to you.
16-Write about feminism and what it means to you.
17-Write how you got into feminism and why.
18-Make a list of reasons on why your a feminist. Try to think of 50 or more reasons, if you can. 10-20 reasons will do too.
19-Make a list of reasons on why your a riot grrrl. Try to think of 50 or more reasons, if you can. 10-20 reasons will do too.
20-Write some DIY tips or share yours. Share your own DIY stuff.
21-Write something about being an activist/ or about activism.
22-Write something about zines or your life as a zinester.
23-Write about your ladyfest or a ladyfest you attended.
24-Write about a riot grrrl chapter or your own riot grrrl chapter.
25-Write about being pro-choice, why your pro-choice, or what it means to you.
26-Write something about how riot grrrl and queercore music are connected.
27-Write something about how riot grrrl and grunge music are connected.
28-Write something about how riot grrrl and punk music are connected.
29-Write something about feminism in other countries. What’s feminism like in your country or other countries?
30-Write something about human rights in your country or another country.
31-Write something about equal rights.
32-Write about why is feminism important today.
33-Write your own definition of what a riot boy is to you. Give your own definition of riot boy.
34-Write your own Zine DIY guide.
35-Write how to start a riot grrrl chapter DIY guide.
36-Write your own list of ways to be an activist.
37-Write a review of a zine or your favorite zine.
38-Write about your experience with the Riot Grrrl Online website.
39-Write about the Riot Grrrl Online website or do a review of the website. If you write about the website, write how you found the website, how you got active in the website and why. I’m sure there are more things you can write about the website, as long as your a reader or fan of the website, your input is appreciated.
40-A review of your riot grrrl or feminist website.
41-Write a news story. Write about an issue or topic important to you or an issue/topic you think would be important to others that is happening in the news.
42-Write your own women’s issue story. If you are a survivor (of anything from rape to cancer, etc.), I’d like to hear your story and what you went through.
43-Write how to start a ladyfest.
44-Write how to start your own record label and/or band.

If your interested in writing one of these articles, Feel free to read the “contribute” page and reply to the “contribute” page or email me. If you comment on the “contribute” page or email me, Please specify which article (or articles) you want to write about by letting me know which number or numbers (# or #’s) your interested in writing. If you have your own ideas for writings or whatever, feel free to email me some of yours.

*This is also posted on the “Ideas” page.