Comments on: Till Death Do Yah Part?

By: Kris

Kris — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:23:49 +0000

You say that weddings are clearly for females because of the glamour, but mind you, that has been a relatively recent idea, on that is really quite a distraction from the truth. The very word matrimony means to sell from the father to the husband in order for her to become a mother. For the bulk of history, women have been treated like oxen and incubators. For the majority of the past, the term “married” was never even used to describe the male, it was used to describe his property. The wedding has always been and always will be about the father getting to hand the woman to the man and making her think that it’s glamorous. Try to think what they do to make the olympics look glamorous when the champions are handed medals, it’s the same idea.
Hence the term “trophy wife”, the problem with this is that it’s not even a paradox, it’s just a double positive (although it gives negative conotations) trophy and property and wife and wealth are all still synonymous, because the underlying mentality and the keypoints of the wedding (father giving speech and handing off daughter) are still the same.

By: Pam Moes

Pam Moes — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:38:23 +0000

Women/girls married young in my home state in the midwest. I don’t remember having any desire other than to be a wife and mother. Even though I was in the middle of getting my RN, I got pregnant. I could not attend school while pregnant so we got married and left the area. I loved being a wife and mother and was well trained for the job, being the oldest of eight children and raised on a farm. Never been sorry. My joy in life is my children and grandchildren.

By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:03:02 +0000

Watch out for marriage fraud!

-Be careful if you are thinking about marrying somone that is an illegal immigrant. It can be very difficult to know if they are marrying you for love or for the green card.
-Never co-sign a credit card with a lover or spouse.
-Avoid mixing any finances or legal issues together with a lover.

Consider yourself warned & be careful!

By: bint alshamsa

bint alshamsa — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 18:45:54 +0000

My partner and I have been “living in sin” for about six years now. I honestly can’t see how it would have been any different if we had married, so I don’t regret not giving the state my money for a license. It’s actually better for us financially to remain unmarried due to my multiple disabilities.

I’m not against getting married and doing the whole ceremony thing because I love a good party and it would give me another excuse to throw a helluva bash for the friends and family that have helped us over the years. Our daughter would probably enjoy being able to dress up and have her friends come, too. My partner really wants us to do it so that my parents will be more comfortable with our relationship and we wouldn’t have to sleep in separate rooms whenever we spend the night. You’d think that after being together eight years, they’d have come to grips with the fact that we’re as committed as any married couple. *sigh* whatevs!

By: crustyriotgrrl

crustyriotgrrl — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:15:57 +0000

“wedding industrial complex” haha, I love that!
Like I said, my family has an extensive history on both sides with divorce and I have always heard that the person you marry and the person you divorce are two very different people.
I don’t think there’s anything weird about not wanting to live your life in a completely traditional way. If you two get married and you are both fine with only living together some of the time then why not?

By: mestiza

mestiza — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:52:35 +0000

i never really wanted to get married until i met my current boyfriend. he’s a feminist. i knew i wanted to marry him when we took acid together.
i think not wanting to get married for fear of divorce is kind of like not wanting to be in a relationship for fear of failure, like the cliche, is it better to have loved and lost or to have not loved at all? that risk is a personal choice.
he’s against weddings. i’m against the wedding industrial complex. if i were to have a wedding it would be totally non traditional not in a church and full of meaning and a raging party.

that said, i still can’t imagine living with him. i want to marry him and not live with him all the time. i know that’s totally weird and probably immature. i’m 23.

By: crustyriotgrrl

crustyriotgrrl — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:46:08 +0000

I think its wonderful that you knew marriage wasn’t an absolute and chose to do so after weighing the benefits. In my case, I am but merely 21, a junior in college and no not see marriage in my near or distant future. If I was in your situation, I would definitely see the perks to getting married and being able to assist as well as be assisted by my spouse. My only other major qualm with marriage is that it is not legally extended to same-sex couples.

By: earlgreyrooibos

earlgreyrooibos — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:37:00 +0000

I got married two months ago. Honestly, I could have done without it. Not that I regret it; that’s not the issue at all. I just mean that I was fine with getting married and I was fine without getting married. But we did decide to get married. Not really for the tax breaks per se, but for other financial/social benefits:

1. Once we were married I could put my partner (I rarely use the word “husband”) on my excellent medical and dental plan. Way better benefits than he could find elsewhere.

2. Now that we’re married, that gives him more legitimacy to make decisions about my healthcare that he might not have the authority to make otherwise. If I was in a coma, I would trust him to make the appropriate decisions and respect my wishes. But if we weren’t married, the hospital would not necessarily let him make the decision; they would defer to someone from my family. I don’t trust anyone but him to respect my wishes in a medical emergency when I cannot speak for myself. So I want to ensure that he has that power.

We would be happy even if we weren’t marrried. But it sure is convenient this way!